Right behind me was a mother with a crying baby (almost 2yrs old) ! And I mean a screamer!
At that moment, I remembered my son, in the first few years when he would scream all the time (see my post "Why I bothered" for more details), and so of course, my heart went out to her.
But then I remembered something else! I remembered choosing not to go out with my son in public restaurants because I did not want to bother every one else!
And believe me, she was bothering the heck out of me and everyone else at that restaurant!
I tried ignoring her (like that was possible) !
And then I heard it. One of the "creation" phrases. That's right. Phrases that help create these mini-monsters that surround us everywhere.
She (the adult) said, "what is it wittle won...if you don't like it maybe you can try something else? do you want this?? or maybe this?" Mommy can order something else? and then the mini-monster said WAAAHHHHH...NOOOOOO" !!!
THAT'S IT ! It took everything for me not to stand up and say "Give me a break" ! Who's the parent around here? Where's the adult? Need any help? Want me to talk to this one??? "
Scenarios like this one do not make me question our intentions as parents, but it does make me question the emotional reasoning behind our skills (or lack of) and the foundational basis of our decision making as parents.
As loving parents, we are here to protect, guide, be a positive role model to, and love our children. It is important to remember that we are not perfect beings and there are no guarantees. With that said, I believe it is crucial for us to question our behaviours and reflect on how our actions become one of the most important factors that model our children's behaviours.
Questions to make us think:
Am I the kind of person I want my child to become?
Am I more concerned about gaining my child's acceptance or teaching lessons that will come in handy for them later in life?
Am I consistent with what I am teaching ?
Do my actions match my words ?
Am I teaching selfishness or selflessness?
As a parent, YOU are the decision maker. As the adult, you're the one who lets in the computer games, who approves television time, programs, clothing, attitudes, words, actions, food intake and so on.
My question to you is this: Are you aware and accountable for what you are creating?
We're the strict type. Neither of our kids is allowed to misbehave in public. Our 11 year old is great in public - the 3 yr old is iffy, but she's not a monster.
ReplyDeleteHi Denise, came across your beautiful blog by chance.
ReplyDeleteHa ha, I can imagine how you guys felt at that screamer.
Only yesterday my wife and I encountered one, she screaming blue murder outside the elevator to our apartment...and her mother?
She just stood there like having a bad case of being hearing impaired.
We took a walk outside let them get on the elevator, and so did several others.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
A characteristic of the normal child is he or she doesn't act that way very often.
A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer.
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.
You keep a song in your heart and have a nice day, best regards, Lee.
"...sitting at a restaurant with my husband and kids enjoying a well deserved beer..."
ReplyDeleteMy only question...What did you kids do to deserve the beer? :)
This was a great post. I love to complain and situations (in restaurants) like this drive me nuts too! So I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteIt's like you said; nobody likes to the parent with the screaming kid. I don't like to be that person at the grocery store or at a restaurant, for example. It does happen, but I've found that it happens less when you handle it right.
And I too have asked myself why people bring their kids out in public when they know they act like that (if that situation was an example of the a repeat performance for the kid).
Anyway, right on! Great post.
Evil Twin, Sounds like you've got great kids. You're doing them a favour by offering stability and showing them loving discipline so that they may grow up and have the proper skills to contribute and be an asset to our society.
ReplyDeleteUncle Lee, thank you for stopping by. I enjoyed your comment, And I will keep a song in my heart :)
FreeStyle, you're too funny:)
Constant Complainer, Thanks for your comment. I've been on your site, and even though it is a "complaining" site, I often find humour in what you write. It makes me smile and somehow makes me feel better. Thanks.
I will normally walk away from the restaurant if I can't control my kids' tantrum. It's too much..what with the wailing..and people staring. I found that with small kids, I need to get them engaged with crayons and papers while waiting in restaurant and teach them to behave. I have my own utensils and 'emergency kits'- toys and books for restaurant dining. And I normally don't get them to eat out if they still don't show any signs of table manners..take-aways will be much safer for the world!
ReplyDeleteGood post! When my kids were babies, I had a lot of these types of occurrences - where my wife or myself would have to leave the restaurant. In the end, we just decided that it wasn't fair to other people to take our kids. Unfortunately, I hear screaming kids in movie theaters and restaurants all the time...
ReplyDelete